Tears come from my eyes, unexpectedly.

Today was not a good day.
I learned a lesson today.
But I still feel really, really disappointed.
I don't think it's ever gonna be the same again,
like it used to be.
Why does everything have to change?
Even the good things I had in my life,
it doesn't stay around for long.

I'm kinda stressing out. I need to make some choices & changes soon but I'm still not set on a solid plan or goal. All I know is that I can't go on like this anymore. I'm getting myself nowhere and wasting time.

I think I've been putting too much pressure on myself. I've always thought about my parents' expectations from me. They used to always tell their friends and customers that I went through the IB program and what major I'm in. And sometimes I feel like my parents compare me with other people, especially my friends. Either they would say I'm better than this person or I'm not good enough compared to another person. And being compared with my sister sometimes is even worse. I don't blame my parents though for wanting the best out of me. It's really my fault for having to put up with what I'm going through now. I just can't think for myself. Most of the time I'm too scared to look ahead and I'm scared of failing.. so I just end up not trying.

Right now I need to change my mindset. I can't think about getting a highly respected job with a good pay. I shouldn't even think about it.. it's like, what's the point if I'm not even above average in school. I should be hoping if I can even get a job when I'm done with school. I think I've lost hope in myself. I feel lost.

On another note, I just cut my hair. Actually my mom cut my hair T_T I'm not sure how much was cut off but it's not super duper short like I was planning to have it. There is no style to it at all right now so I hope I can get more done on it soon and I'm pretty sure it will be shorter than it is now because I still have a lot of hair, it's still thick. Such a hassle.. but I'm already missing my long hair. I wish I could've just get more layers and thin it out instead of cutting it short.. but I already told my friends that I was gonna cut it short once it gets warm. The only problem I see with short hair is styling it..I feel like I'm gonna be limited with what I can do with it but then I have no idea what to do with it. With long hair, it wastes shampoo, conditioner, water, time and electricity. So with pros & cons, short hair wins I guess. I'm sure I'll get used to it. Really, it's no biggie. It's just hair, it'll grow back.. hah.

til next time~

Walgreens again on Saturday after helping YNT with assassins!

The new Maybelline eyestudio quads in Pink Persuasion & Green With  Envy.

It was buy one get one half off last week and I had coupons.. but ever since I bought it I felt really iffy about it. They cost $9.49 each and I used two $2 coupons.. the total came out as $10.23 so I saved $8.75. idk.. it just didn't feel good buying it lol like I regret buying it. When I hold it, the palette feels really cheap, it's really light-weight.. which also feels like I'm not getting much with what I spent.

The one on the right is the Maybelline expertwear quad that I got for awhile now. I don't remember how much I spent on it but I know for sure it wasn't $9+. And comparing them side to side, I feel better with the expertwear.

Anyways I looked up reviews for it and depending on the site, the reviews were either really good or just ok. I just bought these because I thought the packaging looked cute and I picked the colors that I didn't have yet. I'm thinking about returning these though because I saw online that Walmart sells them around $6.. so with the coupon, I would pay $4.. it sounds like a better deal to me AND I can just buy one instead of having to buy two without knowing if I would really like it or not. But one problem, I can't print anymore $2 coupons! They have a limit =[ So now I'm debating on whether to return them and just wait til it's cheaper or just keep them OR try to print the coupon at school.. but mostly likely it won't work because I tried printing coupons before and.. it depends on the type of coupon >.> $2 coupons are hard to come by.

EDIT. I returned them -.- But I ended up getting $15 back instead of $10 because they included the coupons for some reason. It's weird but I'm not complaining~

Assassins

So... today I gave YNT a ride to meet up with her partner for the game, "assassins", that they're playing at school. I was gonna drop her off and do some shopping but I ended up being their getaway car driver. I wanted to watch the ambush! ahha So yea, they had this plan to stake out at their target's house til he comes home and I was there to watch, then block him with my car if he tries to drive away OR help YNT & her partner get away if they were in danger. We waited for an hour.. the guy's parents saw them so it was obvious that the parents told the guy to not come home. We went somewhere to make another plan and then went back to the guy's house and decided to wait it out a little longer in my car. They were still making plans and phonecalls til I saw a car pull up behind my car. At first I thought it was one of the neighbors and I took their parking spot so I drove out.. but then they followed. I was like, huh? Did I do somthing wrong? When I got out of the neighborhood and the car was still following me, I knew what was up and panicked. YNT & her partner panicked too because they didn't know who their assassins were before this happened LOL

So there I was being chased down by car on AND around Creigton, 9th and Airport. And the 3 of us were yelling at each other on what to do and where to turn. Man, I just wanted to watch them shoot somebody down but then I got involved. It was soo crazy.. but soooo much fun ahha I wasted gas though because I drove like crazy. I lost the other car at first because I sped through a yellow light HARHAR But there was traffic on 9th and I knew they could catch up so I decided to park my car at PJC. Just when I thought we were safe... they FOUND US. I'm like gahhh these kids know what they're doing! I literally stomped on my gas pedal to get out of the parking lot and I didn't know where I was going from there. When we didn't see them behind us anymore, I parked at a random bank and parked in the back next to this big truck and we just stayed there. I was like shaking when it was over ahha So in the end we got away, thanks to MY AWESOME DRIVING =) but YNT didn't get her target. She has til Friday to get him & his partner but she's getting paranoid now because only one person that's playing the game knows where she lives.. and somehow her assassins found out where she lives. So now, I gotta park my car outside while she parks her car in the garage so that she can come home safe. It sux sometimes because it gets annoying when she over analyzes everything that's going on and trying to figure people out.. but if she wins, she gets $290 so ehhh I put up with it ahha

Today was the most & only exciting thing I did on my spring break.. it's kinda sad but soo true hah.